2. I shouldn’t have to say these things. But I do.

I am not a fan of performative goodness. Possibly because I am not a good person (I am not a Good Person.) but certainly because people being performatively Good in my vicinity makes me twitchy and suspicious. The people who most loudly encourage others to wear their principles on their sleeves ( or tee shirts, lawn signs, bumper stickers) are—in my experience— far more interested in selling things than living up to their own values.

But! My personal experience does not define a universal experience. Being Loud and Proud about one’s values is a good thing. I have a problem with it, but that’s my problem. I’m working on it.

I don’t think I’ve ever been quiet about my principles & values. Quieter than I could’ve been in situations where I didn’t feel safe? Absolutely yes. Failed to stand up for others in situations where I could’ve done better? Also absolutely yes. Another thing I have never claimed to be is perfect. I fail all the time. All. The. Time. But quiet in a way that people don’y know what I think about Various Topics?

Mmm. No. Being raised in the “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything” tradition and the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” era meant I rarely got insistent in conversations where others sounded off, but if people didn’t know how I felt about what they believed, welp, they weren’t paying attention.

But I wasn’t LOUD, either. I was an undersized GenXish middle child in a conservative Midwest city, so being noticed was rarely a safe or healthy strategy. “Nobody cares what you think or if they do, they will be violent about disagreement” was kinda The Norm.

But that’s not me anymore, that’s not the social position I inhabit, and that’s not the world I live in.

And in this world, where people can’t know I stand with them unless I stand up visibly and loudly, it’s more important every day to speak up more and louder, especially in the face of opposition.

2 personal incidents in the last year stand out: one, the burly bear of a truck driver who chatted with me & Spouseman for half an hour because he was so happy to see a Pride flag up a house in an obviously conservative suburban neighborhood (and we were so happy he was happy to see it) and two, the parent of the toddler who pointed at me and asked loudly, “Is that a boy or a girl?” who answered without missing a beat, “that’s a personal question, sweetie, if you want to know, you could ask them politely. And don’t point.”

So. Anyhow. I want the world to know where I stand, so l have to post about it.