Like the title says, the next time I post, I will no longer possess an appendix, and will also be losing an as-yet undetermined amount of intestine around my traitorous vestigial organ. Surgery intake is 6 AM Monday Dec 9, 2024.

(if this is all news to you, hit up the previous blog posts & others from the autumn for a bit more background.)

Skip to the end to avoid icky medical prep details & get to the cute pics of Pippin exploring my comfy refurnished office & other new spaces in the house. No, seriously. I’m processing through writing, so I’m basically sharing what’s going on in my day. Which is tedious medical shit & navel gazing.

Still here? Okeedokee. When will my next post happen? NO IDEA. Wednesday at the earliest? A couple of weeks if things don’t go well? Never, if something spectacularly awful happens? I’m not being pessimistic. Let’s face it, “never” is always a possibility between posts. Anything could happen. Meteor strike. Zombiepocalypse. Bad shellfish. (Okay, I’m probably safe from that last one. Always looking for silver linings, that’s me.)

ANYway. The timeline for my return depends on whether the surgery is simple or not, a spectrum that goes from laparascopic snip-staple-done to a removal of that section of bowel and sewing the two halves back together. Which is as major as it sounds.

To translate that into recovery terms, it’s a line from “overnight or less in the hospital followed by a few weeks on restricted activity/diet” to “nearly a week inpatient with ostomy bags involved followed by lots of tricky post-op home care. And stuff.

So that’s a long line, far scarier at one end than the other.

Big props to the hospital and my surgeon for doing a fantastic job of guiding me through the whole anxious process of getting ready for surgery AND laying lots of groundwork on what to expect after surgery in multiple scenarios.

I’m the kind of person who would rather manage my expectations and emotionally process Bad Outcomes beforehand than feel betrayed and shocked by them if they happen. And for too long doctor’s offices seemed to think leaving responsibility for a complex processes in the hands of patients was just fine.

Not these doctors, not this time. Their approach soothed my neurodivergent soul.

There’s an app. (Because of course there is.) And in addition to the regular app reminders & short-attention-span-sized “what to expect” videos, I was given a written timeline at the start of the process, received followup calls to make sure I was staying on course—and every subsequent visit included written instructions as well as verbal conversation, and every phone call provided a text summary.

The actual pre-operative preparation process—at least at our hospital— has evolved a lot since Spokesman’s surgery experience 8 years ago. I’m given to understand some/most of this is common for all invasive surgeries, but some may be specific for abdominal or intestinal.

I was already familiar with many of the things like:

• be active, exercise, be at best possible health in the lead-up weeks

• discontinue alcohol, dietary supplements & NSAID pain meds a week before

• clear-fluids fast from midnight day prior

• 2 step bowel-purge that afternoon

• a duo of heavy-duty antibiotics to take after the second round of purgative finishes up. ( that’s the one I think might be gut-surgery related?)

• And a before-bedtime all-inclusive shower

New-to-me things from the pre-op meeting w/nurse & hospitalist:

• a new toothbrush & orders to make sure to brush twice a day until surgery day

• a packet of disinfectant wipes to use after the shower & scrub step. And detailed written instructions on where and how to use each of the six wipes.

• orders to sleep in freshly-laundered jammies on freshly laundered sheets with no pets present (Pips is gonna LOVE that part, I’m sure)

• And! A shining prize for the end of the fasting process: a high-carb drink and orders to drink it 3 hours before procedure/an hour before hospital arrival. Given how ravenous & flakey I get after colonoscopy fasts, I confess I can’t wait for that lovely carb hit tomorrow at 5 AM.

Everything in the household and life in general is as ready as I can make it, especially given the number of unknowns.

I am infinitely grateful Spouseman is ready & willing to step up and take care of me, (Hi, Spouseman, love you)

And as part of my own personal prep, I’m working on my abandonment issues, which always spike hard whenever I face a situation where I can’t be Strong and Helpful and Doing Things.

See, all the way back to my earliest memories, I’ve had to fight a bedrock belief that no one really wants me around unless I’m doing what they want. Simple equation: be good, behave, be useful, OR be rejected. Yes, yes, I know it isn’t true, but the knowledge is at the conscious level, and the belief is evidently foundational.

ANYway. I can balance my way across that l’il reality gap most days, but situations like this one set the whole bridge to swaying and wobbling in scary ways.

So I’m extra grateful to all the people who’ve been reaching out to me lately, being verbally and explicitly supportive.

Am I good at expressing that gratitude or even responding to the caring? Oh, hell, no. I’m awful at responding because I don’t know HOW.

So let me say this here: Thank you all for caring.

And on that happy note, have pics of Pippin!

See y’all on the other side.

Or! OR! if you like your local library, you could request a purchase. Free for you, sale for me, everyone wins.

Most libraries need the following info for ordering print books:

• Title: Relics From A Traveling Show

• Author: K. M. Herkes

• ISBN: 9781945745201 (paperback)

  Every library system does things a little differently, but most want their collections to serve their communities, so most of them are very responsive to patron requests.

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