Keeping My Head Above Water
It’s been a while, eh? That could almost be my personal catch-phrase, like the way John Oliver says, “It’s been a busy week,” at the beginning of every show. Right now “It’s been a while,” is tied with “Okay, let me try this "‘sitting down to focus” thing again for the fifth day in a row.
It hasn’t been busy, actually. House things are still on pause, although that should get moving again soon — lumber arrived and tile situation has been resolved, it’s just a matter of scheduling crews. Well, that, and the cabinetry, which is evidently in limbo somewhere. But in any case, the house has been quiet enough to work, it’s just my brain being uncooperative.
Because my body is being uncooperative. The rest of this post is me ranting about health stuff, feel free to skip to the end were there are pictures of cats, happy lunches, and fire. (They are small, but should embiggen if clicked)
Anyway. Back in May I did the Responsible Adult thing and got my screening colonoscopy, and it went fine except for the parts that didn’t.
The doctor found A Serrated Polyp right up at my appendix that he couldn’t just remove. It’s of the variety that will (eventually, years down the line, they say) turn cancerous, so it really should get removed, but working near the appendix is touchy, cuz, well, appendix, bacteria, thin intestinal wall etc, etc, blah blah details.
So. I was told to schedule a consult with a doctor who specializes in specialized tricky interior polyp removal via a fancy-colonoscopy-with-extra bells-n-whistles procedure.
First available visit was the last week in August. ARRRRGH.
At that consult the specialist described the procedure and the outcomes for internal removal versus possible laparoscopic appendectomy surgery to remove the appendix and enough extra to make sure all the sus material is removed.
(Which would be done by Yet Someone Else. A surgeon, in fact.)
I got a distinct vibe from this doctor that he was more than willing to do the internal thing, didn’t think it would be any problem at all, but wouldn’t want to be responsible for it working 100%, meaning I would run a solid chance of more procedures later for one reason or another, including, “can’t tell if it gets all of the polyp because it could go all the way into appendix, which would mean potential for cancer developing down inside the appendix.”
Which made me lean towards at least talking to a surgeon about the surgery option. Which meant I needed to get a consult with that doctor. LE SIGH.
When I called that office, I got a “this doesn’t sound like a thing we do, let me check, we’ll call you back” (spoiler alert, they didn’t) and when I called THEM back, I was informed my insurance requires A Referral, which was not provided by the first specialist, despite me asking at the time whether I needed one & being told, “No.”
ARRRRGGGHHH.
I don’t hate our insurance. Spokesman’s cancer treatment cost us exactly zero dollars outside of some co-pays. But DAMN sometimes I hate the runarounds. Referrals are supposed to be easier these days with computerized records, but my experience with them has been…less than optimal.
This situation has been eating up a ridiculous amount of mental bandwidth and emotional energy, what with waiting weeks to talk to the first specialist after being informed that I have a ticking time bomb in my gut, followed by having to wait a while and then calling a second doctor, followed by Yet Another Complication. So at least I can back-burner the need to do more phone calls until Monday, when I’ll check to find out if the referral went through. And, more than likely, going to that doctor’s office to stand there until they give me actual papers.
OH BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE.
My trick right shoulder has also been acting up since June.
That joint has been a problem for 30+ years, even before 1988, aka the “two car accidents in one month” year. I am familiar with (and thus can mainly ignore) grinding, occasional nerve tingles down to my fingertips, and varying levels of ache. Back in college I ruptured the rib cartilage below that arm, so sometimes there get to be squishy lumps along the ribs and the whole side becomes a big ol circus of sore.
What’s been stressing me all summer is that this round of joint hijinks also created squishiness, swollen bits, soreness and lumps under the arm in proximity to the boob, which of course is another Cancer Nexus.
Yes, I went to see the doctor about it. Back in July, after about a month of shenanigans. (Responsible adult FTW) Verdict was that with a clear mammogram in April—after follow-up to confirm a benign cyst—a history of lymph glands swelling for every little infection, and things actually hurting but only on one side, it was very unlikely boob-related, even though the boob is where the pain refers.
Has this reassuring verdict stopped me from stressing every time it decides to ache hard, or itch in weird ways, or my pinkie falls asleep after I lean on that side too long, or I notice the squishy swellingness of it? HAHAHAHA of course not. I am a world champion catatrophizer. And also, it isn’t getting better—which is also expected. For perspective, the first cartilage injury took about 9 months to heal up & still bothered me occasionally a couple of years later.
Anyway. It also keeps not-getting-worse, so I will keep doing Ye Olde “Watchful Waiting” with it. And if it continues to not-get-better through the fall, I’ll go back to my primary care doc for A Referral to a round of physical therapy & another dose of reassurance that it’s just The Same Old Awful and not New Awfulness.
Still reading after all that dull, gruesome body whining? You’re awesome. Thank you for that. I needed to get all this out of my head, which means, for me, writing it all down here.
It’s the only way I can create space for other topics that I promise I will write about in future posts. Soon-future, even.
But for tonight, there will be reading (Grace Burrowes romance re-reads, so comfy, so brain-free) and TV (Discovery Of Witches) and tomorrow will be another, better day. Better after the dentist appointment, anyhow.
And that’s a wrap.
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