An Introspective Report
Mostly when I blog, I put life things into words so when the memories fall out of my sieve-like brain, I'll know where I can go to find them nicely stored up, ready to reinsert by reading.
A thing I'm noticing as I revisit some old posts (Hey! I did things in 2021. I forgot how much I did!) is there's a big split between what I did and how I feel about what I did.
Certain important life things routinely got left out of my lists and reports.
I'm not just talking my Opinionated Takes on various political or social events. Leaving that out of the Official Record is a GenX "keep your head down" safety habit left over from a youth spent being . No, I'm talking about the physical and emotional realities of my existence, as opposed to the actual actions.
YOU know. The boring stuff.
Or maybe it's the interesting stuff?
I don't know. I didn't realize I was leaving anything out until this recent review, but after skimming my posts from the last few years my first thought is, "Damn, my life looks a lot easier, more interesting, and more FUN than it really is."
Which feels really weird, since I try hard to NOT only write about good things. Not because I worry about being "authentic" <shudder> but because I'm trying to be honest. At least as honest as anyone who's condensing reality into readable chunks can be.
If you're now wondering exactly what I'm not writing about, it's this: I don't write about how much of my life revolves around pain.
You know those the-world-is-full-of-differences revelations at kinda define late adolescence? One of my big revelations was learning that other people do not hurt all the time.
It was one of those meandering late night conversations one has with roommates or close school friends or teammates (dorm mates, in this case). We were talking about sleeping routines, and there was this moment of staring and complete incomprehension on both sides when I said something about rare mornings when nothing hurt at all.
"What do you mean 'rare'? That's every day, isn't it?"
"Hang on, you mean most days there's no part of your body that hurts even a little? For real?"
"Yes! That's normal!"
(Lest you think these were Deep, Important Conversations, the same discussion about sleeping habits also included passionate declarations about Hypothetical Future Spouses never seeing them without cosmetics.)
ANYway. I might've mentioned that anecdote before in some past post. Or I might've just thought about it a lot.
I bring it up now because it's an explanation or why I forget to record anything less than major injuries. My baseline is "something physical in a state of disrepair.' Mentioning that state of affairs just doesn't strike me as relevant.
I mean, I don't inflict my toothbrushing habits on the blog either. Not unless I come across interesting trivia, like the way my hygienist informed me that easily-bleeding gums is absolutely a common post-COVID-19 side effect.
But. I. Digress. What I'm saying is, various pains and injuries are about as routine as toothbrushing, so I forget that it might be a good idea to keep a record of them.
Emotional downs and fluctuations have gotten glossed over too, because...well, partly because I am mostly writing life notes for myself, and I do not need to write down bad things to remember them. Sad but true.
But it's also partly because I've heard all the usual things like, say something nice or don't say anything, try to see the silver lining, be grateful not grumpy, etc and so on, and those messages, unhealthy as they can be, are effective silencers.
That's the part I need to fight harder against. That toxic be-positive vibe that still resonates through almost all online discourse.
So. Here's to talking more about things that hurt, and to complaining more about things that are uncomfortable. Three cheers for the uncheerful.
If nothing else, including more grumpy bumps in my posts will provide Future Me with Moar Data. I'll get to find out It'll be interesting to find out if there's more or less bad stuff than I think I remember now.
Data for the win, now and always.
Anyway. This was supposed to go out Saturday night, but Saturday night was a Very Bad night, with headache and itchy body and generally I was in a crappy headspace, sooooo no sleep until, um, 6AM Sunday.
So I'm wrapping this up in front of pretty Olympic Horse Dancing TV Sunday night instead. But! It is finished, I'm holding to my "get words down semi-regularly" line, and that's all not bad.
More later.
Please enjoy these nice pics of Pippin relaxing.
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